He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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