I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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