Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
