kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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