It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize