if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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