The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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