Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
