If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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