rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
