After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
