I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
