there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
