If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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