he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
pray to the hookup gods
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
