You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
