the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
