Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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