I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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