So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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