I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
