gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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