My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my being single is dangerous.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
