It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize