we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
