I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
