Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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