Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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