I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
YAS. BRING CRAB.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
