Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
