That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
