Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
