yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
