Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
