between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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