i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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