is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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