there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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