I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
