Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
