you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize