watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
