This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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