i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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