Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
