What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
