I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
