Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
