And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
