Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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