dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
