Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
