So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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