remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
