I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
