If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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