At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
