DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
