Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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