I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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