I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
