Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize