thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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